In a couple of weeks we'll have the pleasure of celebrating Valentine’s Day, or National Single Awareness Day, depending on your situation. Last year on Valentine's I was running a few errands in the early evening and noticed all the effort being made to show expressions of love. As I contemplated all of the preparation and effort going into this heart-filled holiday, I wondered what it would be like if everyone put that same effort and heart into other worthy passions. I’m talking about the passions that you and I have for things that interest us in life. What if everyone, every day, did what they loved to do? I for one, think we should.

Let’s think about why it’s so important. Simply put: you will be at your best when you are doing what you love. I once had the opportunity to hear Condoleeza Rice speak at a major university. Rice said that she has often been asked about what lead to her great success. Her short answer: “I started as a failed piano performance major.” At the University of Denver, Rice said that she came to find that many piano performance majors could sight-read pieces it took her months learn. She recounted how she feared she would never be more than the pianist at Nordstrom. So, she decided to change majors. She struggled to find something that she really loved. After stumbling into a Russian and Soviet Studies course, she found her passion: Soviet Studies and international diplomacy. The rest is history. A history that includes being a part of world events such as the Berlin wall coming down and the dissolving of the Soviet Union.

Don't let the pursuit of your passions be limited by others who are unable to think outside of the box they put you in.

Rice said that people at her university asked, “What’s a black girl from Alabama doing as a Soviet Studies major?” She could have chosen to let herself be constrained by stereotypes. Instead, she chose to make her own road and her own type. 

Find your passion and doors will open for you.

When Rice decided on a Soviet Studies major, she didn't have the end goal of becoming Secretary of State. But, as she continued through her career, she realized that pursuing her passion allowed her to open doors she was excited about.

Even when a secondary passion comes along, you can still maintain your primary passion.

When Rice was the national security adviser, she received a phone call from Yo Yo Ma, the renowned cellist, who wanted to perform with her. She remembers thinking, “Sure, Yo Yo Ma, we’ll jam.” Rice said she was under no delusions that Yo Yo Ma wanted to work with her for her prowess on the piano. She understood that her passion of Soviet Studies had led to her being Secretary of State, and that had opened the door for her have an incredible experience with her first passion, playing the piano.

In education, profession, and hobby we all must decide in what areas we are going to put forth our time and talents. The sooner you decide to start putting your efforts into the things you’re passionate about, the more opportunities you’ll have in those passions.

Doing what you love is the only way to eventually land your dream job, even if you don't know what it is yet.

There is overwhelming research that shows students are influenced by their peers. Most of us didn't need a research study to tell us that so we're going to skip the statistics and jump straight to the good stuff. This influence can be for good or for bad. As a student leader you obviously are not just a peer, but someone who other students follow. Even when you don't think others are paying attention to what you're doing, they are. You have a tremendous opportunity to do good, to make a difference that will impact your club, team or school in a powerful way. But you also have the opportunity to ruin those groups and bring others down in the process. It’s up to you. To pretend like your role as a student leader doesn't matter is simply unrealistic. Yours is an important responsibility.

But what we see is that many student leaders around the world are choosing to make a positive difference. How can you make sure that you are having the impact you want as a student leader at your school? Check out some characteristics of student leaders who we have found that are making a difference.

1.     Realize the power of your influence: There is no denying it; people are going to watch and follow you. When you realize you are in a position of influence, it should cause you to think twice about your actions. Consistently model the behavior you wish to see from those around you. You cannot expect others to do what you are not willing to do yourself. What are you willing to do each day to make things better?

It is said that Yankee’s captain Derek Jeter is the first to enter the field before practice and the last to leave. Can you see how this simple example would naturally influence his teammates to work harder and longer which will inevitably increase the success of the team? As a student leader you have the opportunity to do unprecedented things and to change lives with your influence. That might seem a little far-fetched and cliche, but it's the reality of your situation.

2.     Focus on Individuals: Too often leaders focus on the masses and fail to recognize the power of each individual within their organization. Don’t let this be you. Help your team or group realize its potential by first helping each individual to see their full potential and the unique contributions their talents make to the group. If they do not see these talents in themselves, help them to. Encourage them and give them assignments that will cause them to see those talents they have.

Napoleon Hill(author of "Think and Grow Rich") once said, “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” Student leaders will always find greater success by building their team up one by one.

3.     Set the vision: Author Joel Barker wisely remarked, “Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.” Help your team to see beyond their day to day activities to the ultimate goal and destination. Don’t just simply go through the motions. Rather, help your team see that what they do everyday contributes to that ultimate vision of what your organization can be and where it can go. The day to day things make much more sense when seen in the light of the organization’s vision. The difference a clear vision makes will last much longer than your time at your school. Help your team to buy into that vision and amazing things can happen in your school.

We have seen that the capacity to make a difference lies within every student leader. As you focus every day on doing the little things (setting the example, building up your team, focusing on the vision) the big things will fall smoothly into place. As a student leader, you have the power to make a lasting difference in your school and community. It is up to you! No, really, it is.

In the spirit of this graduation season we took some time to review a commencement speech given by Oprah Winfrey on the campus of Stanford University. The speech was delivered in the spring of 2008. The advice she offered shows evidence of a life filled with passion, wisdom, and purpose. I share with you a few of the insights she articulated on living a productive life.

This life is a school: Our lives are like a school and often the lessons come in the form of problems, obstacles and at times, crisis. The secret, Oprah says, is being open to learning lessons from life as they come. It is being able to walk through life open to self improvement and that which is going to best help you evolve. “There is a lesson in almost everything you do and everything you experience, and getting the lesson is how you move forward… Inner wisdom is more precious than wealth, the more you spend it, the more you gain.”

When you’re doing the work you’re meant to do, it feels right: Oprah taught that when you’re doing the work you were meant to do, “everyday is a bonus regardless of what you are getting paid.” In her early career, Oprah had an amazing opportunity to be a news anchor. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find herself in that role. She was ultimately fired, but consequently reassigned to a talk show in Baltimore. The second she sat down on the stage of the talk show for the first time she said she felt “home” and her whole world changed. “The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your gut instead.” She goes on, “Forget about the fast lane, if you really want to fly, harness your power to your passion. Honor your calling, everybody has one. Trust your heart and success will come to you.”

The secret to finding happiness: Oprah counseled students to live in the moment. “Whatever has happened to you in the past has no power over this present moment.” Be a part of something, not merely living for yourself alone. Oprah taught a lesson she has come to know over the course of her career:  “In order to be truly happy you have to live along with and have to stand for something larger than yourself because life is a reciprocal exchange. To move forward, you have to give back.” She concludes with these thoughts, “If you are hurting, you need to help somebody else ease their hurt. When you’re in pain, help somebody else’s pain. And when you’re in a mess, you get yourself out of the mess by helping someone out of theirs… Doing good makes you better… operating from the paradigm of service will make you happy.”

Oprah’s counsel applies to all of you who wish to do great and be great. Whether graduating from high school, college, or into the next phase of your life, serving others will always help you as well in ways you could not expect. She continued to say that “If you choose to offer your skills and talent in service, when you choose the paradigm of service, looking at your life through that paradigm, it turns everything you do from a job into a gift.” What will you allow life to teach you? Will you follow your passions? Will you strive to be truly happy by choosing to serve? The choice is yours as you move forward in the journey of life. But what an incredible journey it can be.

Aristotle said that "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit". To be truly successful, we must become lifelong learners with lifelong passions.  Making our life’s dreams a reality in one day is about as realistic as constructing the Empire State Building overnight. It takes lifelong effort, learning and enthusiasm. The American chef and TV personality, Julia Child observed, “You’ll never know everything about anything, especially something you love.” Good evidence of a dream worth pursuing is if we think about it constantly, if our thoughts and actions continuously fuel the fire the dream has lit within our soul.

Sometimes when people see their own dreams go unfulfilled, they become pessimistic towards the ambitions of others. These are the types of individuals who people tend to listen to the most when they ought to be listened to the least. Mark Twain warned, “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Don’t listen to those who never went after their dreams, listen to the people who turned their dreams into reality. Find people along the way who can guide you and be open to the possibility that you can do more and be more than you ever imagined. Some people project their own failures and lack of vision on to others. It's important to learn from those who have experienced what you are going through, and can help you learn from their successes and failures. But be careful. There is a fine line between guiding advice born from experience and pessimism derived from personal failures. Nothing was ever done until someone did it for the first time, usually by doing it in a way no one had ever done before.

Don’t quit, don’t give up, and don’t give in. Calvin Coolidge, the 30th president of the United States, said, “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not, unrewarded genius is almost a proverb… Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” There are bound to be setbacks, all that is worth anything in this life takes hard work and determination. Abraham Lincoln, a man well acquainted with hardship himself stated, “My great concern is not whether you have failed but whether you are content with your failure.”  The message President Lincoln was trying to get across is that setbacks will always happen, but how we react to them will define us and our future.

When seeking to fulfill our dreams it is important to know ourselves and what our dreams and passions really are. Too often we think we know our dreams and close the doors to other possibilities. We need to be open to the fact that our dreams can be fulfilled in multiple ways. Each has the potential to be exciting and brilliant in its own way. Let me give you an example.

When I was a young man I had a goal to go to a certain prestigious university. I often told others it was my “dream school” but when it came time to go to college, another opportunity at a different university became available and caused me to rethink my dream. I ultimately attended the second school. Some may say that I let my dream fall by the wayside by not attending my “dream school”. Had I wasted my time on a dream I ultimately never pursued? No! I simply didn't understand what I was really longing for with my life. It was never about a certain school. In college I had countless experiences that enriched my life and broadened my understanding. I came to understand that my real dream was never actually to go to that first school but to get a world class education. That’s what drove me and inspired me. My dream was fulfilled in every way.

Understanding the principle that my real desire was bigger than a certain school opened up countless avenues for my dreams to be fulfilled. Following my real dream led me to new horizons I never would have fathomed as a child. Often seeking after, as Thoreau put it, our castle in the sky will lead us to bigger and more majestic castles than we ever imagined. Be open to that. Is our dream really to perform with the London Symphony Orchestra or would you be more happy making music with your family and friends each day, or perhaps teaching others to develop their musical skills as well. Maybe a combination of those or another not even listed. Their are always great possibilities associated with our dreams that we have yet to foresee. 
So when you're looking ahead and trying to frame your future, make sure you don't leave part of your dream out of the picture. It’s worth thinking about.

This is part 1 in a 3 part blog series about turning dreams into reality.

The great American author, Henry David Thoreau observed, “If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be, now put foundations under them.” We all have dreams, great castles in the sky begging us to ascend up to their lofty heights. But often our dreams go unfulfilled, we never reach that castle and we are left to exclaim as did the poet, “For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’”  

We all have the capacity to become great. But if we are serious about arriving at our castles in the sky than we need to be serious about the foundations we lay under them. Perhaps it is accurate to say that dreams are the blueprint through which the life we desire can be constructed. But if we fail to gain the skills, tools and materials to act on the blueprint than we can never expect our dreams to be fulfilled. Dreaming is a necessary step in the process but it is not the destination.

It is crucial to understand the difference between dreams and goals. It takes commitment and calculated actions to turn our dreams into goals and then into reality. I once read a quote by a man named Thomas Gaines that said, “It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty but action with faith is mightier.” When our dreams are combined with specific plans and a consistent diligent effort, we possess a powerful combination. We have the basic formula for greatness.

When you truly understand your dream in life, take courage and boldly go after it. The bridge between dreams and reality is built with hard and smart work. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Dare to live the life you dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.”

Preparing for college is an exciting time of life. It can also be a challenging time as you consider the new horizons that lay ahead. There are questions often asked such as: 'where should I apply?' and 'how do I know what school is right for me?', among others. Yet for some the issue is not finding their dream school, but coming up with a competitive strategy to market yourself to that dream school.

To get in to the school of your dreams it takes three key components. First, an excellent standardized test score. Second, a GPA that shows you are dedicated and capable of handling the academic world of university life. And third, a deep and well rounded extracurricular experience.

In all three components it is important to start early. Plan early to take the courses that will best help you to prepare for college. At the same time, don’t stretch yourself so far that your GPA begins to suffer. A healthy balance will help you to best increase your skills and maintain a completive GPA. Find out whether your targeted school uses a weighted GPA or not. This could effect how many honors and AP classes you take.
Likewise, begin to study for your standardized tests well before the few weeks leading up to that dreaded Saturday morning. Start months and maybe even a year in advance. Set goals, and use study courses and practice tests. If you want to score higher than the average high school student, than work smarter than the average high school student. Take advantage of study aids and online resources as you prepare for the big day. 
Finally, diversify and deepen your experiences outside of the classroom. Show the college admissions board that you were not just the senior who began to lead at the end of high school so it would look good on your resume. Start early in volunteer efforts. Get involved and stretch yourself in a variety of activities. These skills and experiences will be of great benefit to you in your college years and in life beyond. As you put your efforts into these three key components, you will feel more confidence in that you are making yourself a more competitive candidate for that school of your choice.

Dear people of the world, 

This is a love letter. This is odd because I do not know you nor will I likely ever meet you in real life. How bold! I am going for it and I have committed. So look out, you rascals, one of us is gonna end up a little attached.....

Here it goes:
Duke Ellington once explained that the greatest compliment paid him was when he was described as beyond category.  I think that's lovely.  As we know from the documentaries on netflix and the evening discussions with my dad, Frank, Duke Ellington was named the Duke due to his eloquence and classy dress from a young age.  Contrary to the common Depression-era racial stereotype, Duke Ellington defied category and christened himself nobility. He played for audiences of all status and color and played music that only he could write. No one could ever replicate him.
(Click here to see a video of Duke Ellington)

It was my junior year of high school. I remember waking up one morning and looking in the mirror. I remember being so confused because I couldn't tell if I was beautiful or ugly.  My nose lost all meaning for me. The relative-ness of beauty had been festering inside me for a while but it all just hit me that morning.  I remember putting on clothes and staring at every part of me. I no longer knew where I fit.  Even my clothes were indifferent to the expectations of the world around me. I was no longer "hot" or "unfortunate looking."  I became Nicolle.  My face was very "Nicolle" and the way I talked immediately became very "Nicolle."  I stopped being a category created by my strange friends and acquaintances.  I became me.

I think too often we allow ourselves to categorize ourselves and each other.  We like to simplify the world in order to understand it better.  Sadly, I think it just cheapens the human experience.  Duke Ellington paid no mind to category and revolutionized the way the world thought about talent and skin color.  I am no revolutionary.  If I were, though, I would revolutionize the way we looked at each other. I would have us all look at each other with our names in mind instead of the type of clothes we are wearing. I would have us look at ourselves as the beautiful and unique faces we are instead of the comparable trends we are matching.

You are all so free and complex (to the point of undefinable). You do not fit small categories like "hipster" or "poser." You are too large in soul and personality to be shrunk to that standard.  I know that if I knew you, if I really knew you, I would be infatuated by your mind and unique ideas.  You are beyond category.

Love,

Nicolle Okoren

We recently had the opportunity to speak to a remarkable group of freshman students at a high school in Arizona. What made them remarkable were not their academic accolades. They were not honors students, nor were they attending a magnet or prep school. In fact, academically as a group, they seemed quite “normal”.

We talked about their futures, their hopes, their dreams. Then we talked about simple steps they could take in their youth to make those dreams a reality. We discussed a few important principles that would help them do just that. The importance of finding mentors and taking time to learn from them was a topic well received. We also talked about knowing how to ask effective questions and how doing so will enhance and create learning opportunities. We also talked about the need for identifying where they wanted to be as an individual at the end of their freshman year, at the end of high school, and even at the end of their lives. I then had them write down specific things they could do daily with that vision in mind . Finally, we talked about how choices really do matter. The seemingly inconsequential decisions they make in their youth will be an investment towards their success in the future and their satisfaction with today.

That is when I first learned just how remarkable were the group of youth sitting in front of me. I expected there to be push back or at least some disinterest. After all, aren't freshmen too young to comprehend some of these principles that many adults are just now figuring out? But I became a renewed believer in the profound potential of America’s youth. Not only did these freshmen pick up on what I was teaching, they ran with it. They were engaged. They lent  thought provoking insights. And though many of them did not have an exact destination in mind for their life’s journey, they already had an idea of a direction they wanted to go and yearned for a vehicle to take them there. Were they the definition of maturity? No, not at all. But they wanted to learn and they caught the vision.

Is it not the responsibility of all those who work with youth to help each of them unlock the potential for greatness? Is that not what you sign up for when you choose to work with the next generation? I believe it is. I believe that’s a passion that most working in education have. And I believe that “greatness” can be defined in many ways. For example, I believe that leaders that lead the masses are admirable. I believe equally admirable is the leader who leads their own life with dignity and integrity as they strive to serve their community while being a good example in the process. Maybe a few kids in that freshmen class will go on to lead major corporations, but it is likely that more will go on to fill the everyday jobs that make up the backbone of our communities. It is paramount that these kids, and other kids just like them around the country, learn to become good leaders in whatever capacity they find themselves in. What struck me most about these freshman students was not that they knew exactly what they wanted to do with an exact plan on how they were going to get there, but rather that they expressed the desire to reach their full potential. It was evident that with a little direction in the way of principles some think too advanced for their years, the glimmer of hope shone brighter in their eyes. The thought that they could not just be good, but great today and in the future became an ever more present reality.